that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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