ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
