Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
