I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
