He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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