so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
