barbara walters just said penis...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
