totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
