my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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