i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
