she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
