Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
