What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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