fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
