Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
