and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
