Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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