I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
