just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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