shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
