Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize