Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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