Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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