i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
