This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
