I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
