Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
