Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
