I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
