so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
