When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
