Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
