i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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