apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
