I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
