When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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