oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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