First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
