so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
