come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
