I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
