A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
