Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
