I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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