you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
