my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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