we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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