Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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