so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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