FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
