you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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