You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize