Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had to cum in my sink.
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