dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
