My pussy is not your playground.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
