roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
