wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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