I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
