Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
