this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
