I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
