Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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